Funny Quotes

"I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode."

"Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too."

"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth."

"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."

"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a few car payments."

"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."

"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."

"My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry."

"I am currently experiencing life at the rate of several WTFs per hour."

"Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad."

"I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge."

"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."

"The best way to start the day is with a positive thought."

"Every sunrise is a new beginning."

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

"Believe you can and you're halfway there."

"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going."

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."